End Transmission
by Neophyte Ronin
Summary: If I was in this situation, I'd ask for a refund on my PHS calling card minutes... Rated M for excessively foul language, violence, even sadism. So you know, Joker is that dude who sells stuff in the Training Center and Xu is Heart in the Card Game Group.


(_Ringing; beep sound; highway noise in background)_

**Xu** _(sarcastically)_: If this _isn't_ a statuesque six-foot Centran goddess, I'm hanging up--!

**Joker** (assumed) _(frantic, slurred)_: Sh-_Shoe!_ G-Goddamit, Jesus motherfuckin' _Christ!_

**Xu** _(tired)_: Nah, just Xu love...

**Joker** _(coughing)_: Y-Yeah, whatever. This shit tapped?

**Xu** _(screaming into microphone)_: _**What? I can't hear ya! Early frost in desert with high wind knocking down cell phone lines!**_

**Joker** _(chuckling lightly)_: Thanks for coverin'; _next_ time, I'm drivin' _and_ fittin' the bill.

**Xu** _(surprised)_: Uh Joker... I just... _screamed_ at you... What--?

**Joker** _(deadpan voice)_: --Got _acclimated_ with Selphie... _Lava Dome_, concert, few weeks back...

**Xu** _(impressed)_: Well... no shit...!

**Joker** _(chuckling)_: You're right; ain't a way to greet an old war bud... just the same as always, even on your new hog--

**Xu** _(annoyed)_: --You're not paying my gas while you're _chatting_, what's up?

**Joker** _(hiding initial dismay)_: Yo I _hoped_ you were free for a conversation together--

**Xu** _(frustrated)_: --Conversation! Is _that_ what you call screaming profanities like _I_ caused this storm?

**Joker** _(amicably)_: Sorry if I'm a little irate, but I got me an _urgent_ situation; only _you_ can bail me out of it.

**Xu** _(curtly)_: I'm _off_ duty with B-Garden. _You're_ not my current client, and I got _thirty one reasons_ why I'm _not_ taking orders from _you_ or anyone _else_ there!

**Joker** _(sibilantly)_: You'll hear me out anyway... I _know_ it.

_(Uncomfortable pause; presumed eighteen-wheeler drives past **Xu**)_

**Xu** _(pained)_: What's up?

**Joker** _(calmly)_: You know what _Illithids_ are?

**Xu** _(casually)_: Heard the word before--

**Joker** _(calmly)_: Then this'll be easy--!

**Xu** _(suspiciously)_: Not from what _I_ know about the word, it won't...

**Joker** _(hesitantly, sibilantly)_: Y-You could be more right than you know--

**Xu** _(interrupting)_: --Keep talking _(footsteps along grass)_ but be concise; time's _money_ out here.

**Joker** _(hesitantly)_: Well... shit's hit Balamb... and, ah-- _(losing composure)_ --we're at a _total_ loss and-- _(suddenly frantic)_ T-They... f-fucking _creamed_ our sorry asses!

**Xu** _(confused)_: Who did _what_ at Balamb and _why?_

**Joker** _(frantic)_: Illithids-- _(Eighteen-Wheeler drives past **Joker**)_ Wait... where are--?

**Xu** _(pressing)_: --Never mind, say again...?

**Joker** _(frayed)_: Fag-Ass Illithids...! _Everywhere (__Sound of scraping metal presumably sword drawn from sheath)_ SASE firing _here_, SeeDs firing _there_, fucking _war_, Commandant! _Esthar's_ President, Student Body, _everyone's_ unaccounted for--!

**Xu** _(calmly)_: All right, stay cool... where are you _now?_

**Joker** _(frantic)_: Fucking West _Eighty_, heading for Dryfield; friend's waiting there--

**Xu** _(coolly)_: --Is she alone--?

**Joker** _(belligerently)_: --The fuck should _I_ know!

_(Pause; footsteps along gravel)_

**Xu** _(curious)_: Well I'm just _wondering_ Joseph... I mean, you... got _proof--?_

**Joker** _(annoyed)_: --Commandant, would I interrupt your _joyride_ out here hittin' biker gangs, fucking _man_-whores... swillin' swill with gold-tooth-picked-fuckin'-_olives_... if I _didn't_ think there was something that could use the _Ace of Heart's immediate fucking attention?_

_(Footsteps stop)_

**Xu** _(calmly)_: Just making sure, Mr. Camelot; Illithids _are_ serious business... got to be... specially _trained_; even _I_ needed support back at Maddarrab Nova to pull _that_ job--

**Joker** _(annoyed)_: That's what Matron _Kramer_ kept bitching about--'cept maybe _White_ SeeD... high above, deep below, I _don't_ know where _they're_ at!

**Xu** _(calmly)_: So, how did _you_ get away?

**Joker** _(frantic)_: _Well_, I-I wasn't even _there_ when the shit started; heard it goin' down on scanner--

**Xu** _(puzzled)_: --Scanner?

**Joker** _(frantic)_: --_Scanner!_ From _Trabia!_

**Xu** _(suspiciously)_: _T_-Garden scanner?

**Joker** _(horrified)_: TG-SeeDs went down an _hour_ ago, searching for survivors... _got_ their shit... _f-f-fucked_ up...!

_(Pause; footsteps on gravel resume)_

**Xu** _(calmly)_: Sounds _too_ dire from _you_... but you also don't _stammer_ your profanity all _too_ often... Where's Marilena right _now?_

**Joker** _(sarcastic)_: Yeah, I get ya, Commandant: I tell _you_, you kiss my ass _goodbye_--Jesus Christ--they _shot_ at me, and they _already_ nixed my Force! Now _fucking_... _triangulate_ my position right fucking _now!_

**Xu** _(placating)_: Okay, _okay_, I'm heading over... Wait, what's your Force?

**Joker** _(screaming)_: _**Efreet! Ammo refinement! Fuckin' empty!**_

**Xu** _(plainly)_: So... Ifrit's down for how many _more_ hours, Instructor Joker?

**Joker** _(nervous laughter)_: Half an hour more...

**Xu** _(slowly)_: _Okay_ then... why? Stay calm... _why_ wait for a half an hour more?

**Joker** _(breathing deeply)_: If they're _nailed_, they come _back_ 'bout twenty-four hours later... meanwhile, all of your-- _(inhaling)_ --all your _Junctions_ are shot to hell for a while... _(Exhaling)_ I'm right along the highway. They're raiding towns _everywhere_. You know... ha, you know those _gangs_ you're hunting? They're _party_ to this shit.

**Xu **(_wry tone)_: Oh really _(incoherent, feminine whispering presumably on Xu's end)_ ...Still there...?

**Joker** _(calmer)_: Yeah, Illithids manipulating 'em--_SeeDs_, too--they're easier when they're on Junctions, drugs, even _both_--their own minds softened up like putty... _easily_ brainwashed. That's _how_ Edea-- _(Gasps; angrily)_ Oh... _**fuck!**_

_(Sudden heavy wind interferes with transmission; glass shattering presumed)_

**Unknown Croaking Voice** (Conjectured): Low-Grade Instructors never get briefed about _Maddarrab Nova...! (Garbled)_

**Additional Voice** (Unknown Female): Master, Ifrit's offline. Joker's firearm's been discharged repeatedly...

**Joker** _(irately)_: S-Shiva...! Y-You bitch...! F-Fucking _dykes_ _(horrified)_ _**Wait!**_

**Unknown Croaking Voice**: ...Nice _Snowing_ You...

**(_Joker _**_screams horrifically; sudden transmission static)_

_(Static abruptly ceases)_

_(Background noise assumed: Raining on rooftop)_

**Xu** _(chortling, inhaling cigarette)_: ...Almasy can't-- _(indecipherable)_ --pieced _this_ together... _(Exhales)_ _White_ SeeD's... Marilena _and_ Rinoa... _ours now..._

_(End Transmission)_

* * *

_**On Tuesday, November 13th, 2007, 3:47 a.m. EST**:  
I've never crafted a short story under one thousand words before (its exact count should be 882 according to Microsoft Word's word count criterions). I wrote this on a caffeine binge, surrendering to my desire to post something. _

_**Disclaimer**: Final Fantasy VIII (and everything contained therein) is a commercial property of Square-Enix. I'm ambitious enough, however, to eventually purchase certain rights to create spin-off games once I establish myself in the game industry. Guaranteed, this story will show up somewhere as a playable game._

_**Sunday, January 27th, 2008, 9:22 p.m. EST:**  
Good God, that needed some cleaning, especially of the Author's Notes. Jeez...! Sorry about that. This is a horror story, a phone conversation that goes awry when the person you want to be saved by turns out to be hunting you. It's also related to other stories I want to write. Inspiration chiefly stemmed from Faaip de Oiad, a song by Tool on the Lateralus album._


End file.
